Just for Laffs 5!!!

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

4 days to go!!!!

The British international Motor Show at Excel London which started on 23rd July will end on 3rd August.If you live in the London and you haven't been there. Then you've really missed.
When the show started on 23rd, UB40 was on stage live. Sadly I couldn't go because i had a bad flu but I still enjoyed listening to UB40 play from my bedroom window.
On Sunday, my hubby decided to cheer me up so he took me to the show.
I'll show you guys some more later. I might be going to the Redbull air race too and if I do, you'll see more pictures

































The Land Rover LrX concept car





















The Honda Concept car

Lotus Evora

Kia Concept car (KEE)

Irish gag!!!

Another one from my colleague!


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spendingthe rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!'> > That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.> > He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the besttoast of the night.'> > She said, 'Aye, did ye now, and what was your toast?'> > John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting inchurch beside me wife.'> > 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.> > The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on thestreet corner.> > The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the othernight at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'> > She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. Youknow, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fellasleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Summer hoildays

Most schools broke up for the 6 week summer holidays this week or last week. The kids have started running around due to boredom. Some parents have enrolled their kids in summer camps, holiday scheme and all sorts just to keep them occupied but it costs a fortune. On Tuesday, I went to the gym and I saw a large crowd of children at the main entrance. When I moved closer, I realized that the kids were waiting on the queue to be allowed to go for the general swimming session. As I walked past them I thought this is just the beginning of the 6 weeks holiday thank God the boys have gone to naija with my mum for the holidays so I'm free for now. I'll be joining them later though but I deserve the break since chief has already being to Malaysia and Singapore for 4 weeks and I have only been to the U.S for a few days. Now I've caught the flu bug.
But come to think of it, I miss M & M. The house is too neat and quiet.
We call them almost everyday though or they call as they've discovered that my mum-in-law has saved their dads number on her phone so they dial direct without the woman's knowledge. They’re with my mum in law for a week then back to my mum's.
A lot went into planning the trip like ensuring that all the PS2 games and console are packed, Nintendo DS, treats, TCP, mosquito repellent, medication, books, swimming trunks and lastly, an up to date DSTV subscription phew!
We're already planning for next year as its good for them to learn more about our culture. So far, they love it.

Just for laffs 4!!!!

Another one from my colleague. Have a nice weekend

R esimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies. I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can s tart emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,BRYAN nikname Beefy

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Employer's response:... Dear Beefy-I mean Bryan , It's OK honey, we've got spell check. See you Monday.